Tuesday, October 31



Can you imagine no first dance,
freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation.
The best soy latte that you ever had and me.

you make it better off somehow.

and ps: i would. anytime. =I

Sunday, October 29

you're tearing me apart, you really are.
saying the things you say, acting the way you do, i know we've changed.
but i've been trying too hard for too long, and each time you ignored me.
and now that we've separted, you want to start caring?

you're caring about the wrong things. i'm close to her, and she's a really great friend to have at anytime, but that doesnt mean that something's going on and you should treat her with such venom. the things you throw on your blog was really hurtful to both me, and especially to her. i know how you feel, and i know why you're upset. but you were the one who wanted this, you started the whole ball rolling. it's just too complicated now to even consider giving it another go. can we stop being so mean and try to understand that life still goes on?

i feel myself losing control.
i'm going crazy, becoming insane.
it's eating away inside of me, bit by bit,
and i'm becoming someone i vowed never to become.

Friday, October 27

the past week was spectacular! spent almost everyday with the brotherhood, with the addition of a few special guests. twas really fun! bridging all over the place! at spinelli's, at iylia's, even at knee ann poly! helped take my mind off the bulging matter alot.

it's like a phase. everybody's posting emo blog entries and having emo moods. yeah maybe it's a phase, but to me, it showed me once again how we have used love to perverse our lives.

it used to be true love, where you're with the person you love and no other issue can stop that from happening. but now, many worldly things have twarted that process. things like work, stress, pressure, friends, external opinions, countless other stupid things that we allow to get in the way of what matters most. loving the person with more conditions than love alone has become a norm in our current society.

but i say, friend, if you're in love with someone right now, go for it. we've been brought up in an ugly world where we've got little or no love, but only our parent's love. if you've been fortunate enough to find your love, then pounce on it. so you have many other factors that might prevent you from going forward? go for it anyway. love has changed its meaning, its really up to you how you want to use it to enrich your lives.

i'm still waiting for my sevenfold
and i feel it drawing closer
i feel so wrong, yet so right
oh Lord, won't you let me know her?

Wednesday, October 25


had a drive
driven by your love
but when you messed around
i lost the drive i found

thought you needed
needed someone true
but you changed your mind
or had i failed you?

wish you'd been
careful with my heart
but you tore it apart
and broke an angel's heart

the kiss was true
has to end somehow
but i am livin' proof of what love is about

Monday, October 23

i haven't talked about much of me lately. my posts are usually about her. but that's gonna change a wee bit now. a post without her! (= sorry babe.
it's like two in the morn now, but all i wanna say is this:
(in no order of merit, whoever came to mind next.)

to the brothers, thank you for putting up with me and being there for me all these years. serving and bonding with you guys have been the best parts of my life.

thanks iylia, for your unwavering love and concern, and comfort and help in my worst times of trouble. you're always on the ready to give me valuable advice and i heed it every single time. you're a great listener and counsellor. my brother from another mother.

thanks ariel, for the never ending bus rides home ever since we were sixteen. you're a major support to me, and i hope i was as great a friend to you as you've been for me. my music inspirator, and funnyboy.

thanks ernest, for the countless conversations we've had about family and life. you're really the brother i never had, for all the times you and your family made me feel so at home. our problems shared over the years have really enriched us both, and i feel we should really meet up more!

thanks ronald, for being THE brother all these years, ever since i joined your class. you've never failed to loosen me up, and you really made being in 4B2 the best years i've had. there's never a boring day with you.

thanks darren, for being an inspiration. boldness plus coolness really commanded the respect i have for you. the funnyman, the one-line kia.

thanks mukund, for walking with me for the longest time. ever since we were in lower sec, up til now, you've never failed to be there for me during the most crucial-est of times, and you'll always be my oldest bud.

thanks wilson, for your never-ceasing care. even though we don't hang as much due to geographical differences, you always show me and the guys how distance is never a barrier between true brothers. for all the times you've put an arm around my shoulder and listened to me, i salute you.

thanks brendan, for coming back and giving life to this organisation. although i make insensitive remarks at times and make you feel low, you amaze me with your clamness. i'm truly sorry, but know that i'm glad we're together again since after ACjunior.

to the rest of the brothers, i haven't been able to have the chance to spend some quality time with you guys. but when we get together with every passing occasion, you guys crack me up and i hope i'll get to know you guys alot better.

Outside the brotherhood:

thanks zhen, for the countless nights over at my place, discussing everything from life to relationships to God. you've been instrumental in my spiritual growth while i'm outta church, and i thank God for this blessing i've got. there's no more words i can find to describe my gratitude.

thanks rachel, for being the bestest friend. you always call at the right time, and you've always been my little angel, shining on me when in my times of need. i look forward to your return from farfaraway, for the wait is really well worth it.

to you, for you never fail to put a smile on my face when i hear from you. you always know how to say the right things to make me smile when i'm down. you're very much my happy pill. you know why i love you so much right? you know who you are.

to you, for being there for me every single time, within a moment's notice. you've always made the time to come over and hang out when i need someone to talk to, and you've been my support many times when i feel i'm falling. i don't have to tell you how important you are to me. much love!

and to you. you may not know it, but i love serious talk with you. always looked forward to discussing crazy and random topics with you, often late into the night. you've always managed to put that extra fun into it, and i enjoy every minute of it. with your silly grin/smile that i love. and stop correcting my english. )=

Wednesday, October 18

you know what, baby?
i just love you. (=

you just left me sitting there, crying my eyes out,
after giving me that last kiss and walked away.
what did you expect? that after that, i'm outta your life for good?
well i'm gonna tell you what's going on,
FOR THE PAST YEAR AND A HALF,
MY FUCKING LIFE HAS REVOLVED AROUND YOU
EVERY FUCKING THING I DID ENDED WITH YOU
MY DAYS AND NIGHTS STARTED AND ENDED WITH YOU
AND NOW YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST PUSH THIS RELATIONSHIP AWAY
JUST COS' YOU FEEL LIKE IT?
HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED MY FEELINGS?
EVERY FEELING YOU HAD, I CONSIDERED
EVERY DISLIKE YOU HAD, I MADE UP FOR IT
AND EVEN NOW, I'M LETTING YOU HAVE WHAT YOU WANT AGAIN

YOU SAY YOU STILL LOVE ME? BULL.
IF YOU REALLY LOVE ME LIKE YOU CLAIM YOU DO,
YOU WOULDN'T BE TREATING ME SO COLDLY LIKE YOU DO NOW.
IF YOU TRULY MEANT WHAT YOU SAID,
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BROKEN UP WITH ALL THESE STRINGS ATTACHED.

if you wanna avoid me, fine.
if you want me to get lost, outta your life, fine.
but don't tell me you still love me.
cos' lovers don't treat each other half the way you treat me now. period.

Saturday, October 14

A wise man once asked me:
what is the one true basic thing we all strive for in this life we live in?
i didn't know what to answer him, but his take on the answer was what shook me.
he said:
the one true thing we all strive for is love. whether we choose to admit it or not, through all the work and everyday life; through the hectic schedule we lead; and after all the stress that strays us away from what's important, we come home at the end of the day wanting to love, and in turn, be loved.
some of us already have the love, in many forms. some of us have yet to find this love. some of us had it, and most of us are still looking for this famed love. but as for me, i've already found my love. and i fully intend on keeping her, and letting her know each and every day that she's my love, and i'm in love. i'll go through thick and thin with her. and when she pushes me away, i'm gonna stay and be there, because she said:

"love is not a maybe thing. you know when you love someone."

but does she mean it? does she know she's in love? does she even know what love is? because if you're in love, you keep him close to your heart and mind, let alone push him away.

i wake up every morning wanting to tell you how much i need you right now.
but i can't. i'm forcing myself to deliberately avoid you. why? why do we put ourselves through this strain everyday? do you find some strange amusement in torturing us both?
we've spent seventeen long months together, and suddenly you want a life which doesnt involve me?
when we agreed to embark on this journey together nineteen months ago, we agreed to go all the way, hand in hand. we agreed because of love. we did everything because of love. i'm with you, because i love you. and you're with me because you feel the same way too.
but do you think solving this problem on your own is making you happier? are you happier now? is it significantly easier to go through the problem yourself? i want to help you solve it. i want to be your support and your friend. the power of two is always better than one. but i know you will never understand this.
i'm staying, no matter what you say. i'm gonna be here, and you know i'll never leave. i know you still think i'm stupid and foolish, but one word justifies everything i do - love.

do you know you're loving me, and being loved by me?

Thursday, October 5

what are we doing?

Monday, October 2

All i ever needed from you
is to know you still wanted this
to see you lift a finger
to care about my happiness

i don't need your 'sorry's
i don't wanna see you cry
i just wanna feel you again
because i've been numb for too long.

happy 17th month baby

..and you thought you knew somebody.

Sunday, October 1

think back. and remember.
how we all used to sit around that old raintree back in that old park,
and talked about all things sweet.

we talked about the current, the past, the mundane even.
but we'd talked much about our future, because 'twas free to dream.

we'd talk about flying airplanes;
getting that car one day;
the girl of our dreams.

i walked into church one day, and i saw this fine young lady,
and i said to myself, "now i'm gonna date her someday."

i looked at my two companions with me under that raintree that day,
and wondered if we'd still be buds when a decade's past.

i looked at the merc my dad was driving back then,
and dreamt of the day he'd let me behind the wheel.

well,
that girl at church? we're close.
my two buds? one's in england, the other's out of contact.
the merc? sold.

nothing really turns out the way we planned it,
most subjects in our topics covered under that tree,
will stay in its original state, as dreams.

this world sure ain't perfect, i can vouch.
if it were, we'd have exactly what we dreamed of.

-

Now for those who're reading this now,
leave a comment. i wanna know what your dreams were,
and what you talked about under your old oak tree. (=